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Raven (Minami "Ikki" Itsuki [南樹]) (![[info]](http://www.inksome.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} topofthesky) wrote,@ 2009-08-31 21:24:00 |
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ESSAY THING.
Staaaaaaaate of the Ikki SINCE IT IS THE COOL THING TO DO
SO. To get into some stuff, I should probably talk about Ikki pre-Trickster, and pre-Blood fight.
To put it simply; Ikki was in a really sucky place. He wasn't really happy, he'd just died again and didn't revive right so he was USELESS and that hit him pretty bad. IKKI IS NOT MADE TO BE USELESS. Even without his memories he's got this . . . thing inside him that constantly makes it so he feels like he has to prove himself, and in a place with super-powered guys who can read people's minds and smash holes into walls? Well. It's about 10x worse than it is in canon, because there's just so much to even compare to.
That and, he was kind of depressed about memories. He's gotten two by this point, neither of which told him anything about himself. Which at first didn't really bother him! It bothered him that the second was a shitty memory that obviously upset Carly, but. The more he thought about it, however, and the more people asked when he remembered his name, it kind of hit him that wow, he'd been screwed twice about learning anything about himself in his memories. And it didn't depress or upset him exactly, but he doesn't know what he's supposed to be like. He doesn't know why the guy he sees in the bass telescope looks so confident in himself when he doesn't feel nearly that much.
And going back to the useless thing - at this point, he is useless. He knows how to fight, but that doesn't go very far in say, a fight against Shabradingdong. Or anything, for that matter. What he knows is instinct and watching Blood spar or fight with other people. So DYING for no reason other than he was in the wrong place at the wrong time? Hit him hard. He was useless again, and even more useless now while he was recovering.
Sure, it helped that he spent most of his time working on a map; something that everyone would eventually need, as well as new Blanks. He was being USEFUL and that kind of made things better. And then he fought Blood once he was recovered enough! HE GOT BLOOD INTERESTED. That was another boost that just. Made him feel less useless than he usually does. He can fight well enough to keep someone interested! That's awesome!
So going into the Trickster game, Ikki was about at the place he was when he first got here; not sad or miserable, but not happy or whatever, just a place somewhere in the middle where nothing was really bugging him more than usual.
To be honest? He doesn't regret his team choosing to save Cygnus at all. Ikki doesn't know much about this or that, but he does know that not a lot of people really like them. And after the whole thing with Rezo, well. It's firmly placed in Ikki's mind that people are going to judge Cygnus and he ISN'T. They're his partner team! He considers them just a tier down from teammates, which is still pretty damn important.
So choosing to protect them was the right decision in his mind. Is he upset that Hydra (Fang) and Orion (Carly) got killed? Fuck yes. Especially Carly; he dug out all of Orion with the help of other people and then she basically yelled at him and he, well. He got away as he was told. And that hurt, especially from someone he knows is from his world and, someone he really does care about. And even if he hasn't been on the best footing with her, it still bugs him a lot. And it kind of makes him angry, too, that she'd get so angry at him over something like this, when the real person to be angry at is Trickster for putting them in that situation.
What does this mean? Well, at this point Ikki hasn't gotten his memory yet. He feels REALLY SHITTY AND UPSET AND ANGRY and doesn't really want anything to do with anyone outside of his team and partner team. HE WILL KEEP TO HIMSELF SOME until he gets over it and after he eats his memory - which will give him a WHOLE BOOST of USEFULNESS!!!1 and happiness because it explains so much of why he can feel the air change and the wind and gives him a slight bit of an idea of just who he is.
Staaaaaaaate of the Ikki SINCE IT IS THE COOL THING TO DO
SO. To get into some stuff, I should probably talk about Ikki pre-Trickster, and pre-Blood fight.
To put it simply; Ikki was in a really sucky place. He wasn't really happy, he'd just died again and didn't revive right so he was USELESS and that hit him pretty bad. IKKI IS NOT MADE TO BE USELESS. Even without his memories he's got this . . . thing inside him that constantly makes it so he feels like he has to prove himself, and in a place with super-powered guys who can read people's minds and smash holes into walls? Well. It's about 10x worse than it is in canon, because there's just so much to even compare to.
That and, he was kind of depressed about memories. He's gotten two by this point, neither of which told him anything about himself. Which at first didn't really bother him! It bothered him that the second was a shitty memory that obviously upset Carly, but. The more he thought about it, however, and the more people asked when he remembered his name, it kind of hit him that wow, he'd been screwed twice about learning anything about himself in his memories. And it didn't depress or upset him exactly, but he doesn't know what he's supposed to be like. He doesn't know why the guy he sees in the bass telescope looks so confident in himself when he doesn't feel nearly that much.
And going back to the useless thing - at this point, he is useless. He knows how to fight, but that doesn't go very far in say, a fight against Shabradingdong. Or anything, for that matter. What he knows is instinct and watching Blood spar or fight with other people. So DYING for no reason other than he was in the wrong place at the wrong time? Hit him hard. He was useless again, and even more useless now while he was recovering.
Sure, it helped that he spent most of his time working on a map; something that everyone would eventually need, as well as new Blanks. He was being USEFUL and that kind of made things better. And then he fought Blood once he was recovered enough! HE GOT BLOOD INTERESTED. That was another boost that just. Made him feel less useless than he usually does. He can fight well enough to keep someone interested! That's awesome!
So going into the Trickster game, Ikki was about at the place he was when he first got here; not sad or miserable, but not happy or whatever, just a place somewhere in the middle where nothing was really bugging him more than usual.
To be honest? He doesn't regret his team choosing to save Cygnus at all. Ikki doesn't know much about this or that, but he does know that not a lot of people really like them. And after the whole thing with Rezo, well. It's firmly placed in Ikki's mind that people are going to judge Cygnus and he ISN'T. They're his partner team! He considers them just a tier down from teammates, which is still pretty damn important.
So choosing to protect them was the right decision in his mind. Is he upset that Hydra (Fang) and Orion (Carly) got killed? Fuck yes. Especially Carly; he dug out all of Orion with the help of other people and then she basically yelled at him and he, well. He got away as he was told. And that hurt, especially from someone he knows is from his world and, someone he really does care about. And even if he hasn't been on the best footing with her, it still bugs him a lot. And it kind of makes him angry, too, that she'd get so angry at him over something like this, when the real person to be angry at is Trickster for putting them in that situation.
What does this mean? Well, at this point Ikki hasn't gotten his memory yet. He feels REALLY SHITTY AND UPSET AND ANGRY and doesn't really want anything to do with anyone outside of his team and partner team. HE WILL KEEP TO HIMSELF SOME until he gets over it and after he eats his memory - which will give him a WHOLE BOOST of USEFULNESS!!!1 and happiness because it explains so much of why he can feel the air change and the wind and gives him a slight bit of an idea of just who he is.