there's no such thing as the real world

everydayocean@gmail.com — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 20:51:55 GMT

I want to be extremely unclassy now, but I'm not to the point where I could still live with myself for it.

ho-hum.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 16:47:15 GMT

It may just be the weather, but I'm starting to feel like this place is a place that I wouldn't mind making my place at. Admittedly, I've been thinking a lot about where I belong and so on, but I never really considered New Jersey as it. . . Because, well, it's New Jersey. Still, I know a few people around, have something of a small reputation, and so on. I suppose this means that I'm more comfortable here than I have been in awhile, but I could find that somewhere else too. Who knows.

Alternatively, this means that I should move to Singapore, so I can enjoy warm weather all the time if it helps my mood out this much. But, until then, I think I will plan on doing some app writing and editing out in the sun tomorrow if it's still there.

Also, in celebration of the sunshine: Electric Light Orchestra - Mr. Blue Sky.

serious dilemmas.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 13:56:17 GMT

I unintentionally fixed my sleep cycle. . . Now, what do I do with myself?

first i was like :( then i was like >:(!

everydayocean@gmail.com — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 20:50:22 GMT

Okay, time to focus! Time to accomplish some goals!

- Get back on track with New Year's goals by next month. No excuses.
- And another job by then, too.
- Government will be paid off by May. End story.
- Go to a concert! Sometime this year!
- Get registered for a program at ACCC.
- A tune-up for my car before my birthday.
- Crash Kim's graduation. No excuses.

I feel like this list should have been much longer. . . Anyway, I think I have a masterful idea for the concert and to fix my problem with my cellphone charms. See, I can't afford to go to Otakon and pay for a room and all that. But if I went down for one day, then I could hit up the dealer's room, go to the concert, get to see everyone, and only miss one day of work. And, frankly, a fifty-dollar pass for all that is worth the money since most concerts run about that high anyway! Clearly, this plan cannot go wrong. I need to tune in to who is coming and see if I want the first or second day concert now.

being eaten alive in three. . . two. . .

everydayocean@gmail.com — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 03:00:23 GMT

Okay. I ship it.

This fandom is too awesome already!!

so much blather.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 01:32:17 GMT

Takanari is my homeboy?! I need a nice guy in my line-up, and I like his snarky ways and such. . . And he is just so damn easy for me!! I don't even really read canon much except whenever I remember to make more of his icons and just. I like Shinshi, I like Takanari, and we just click. Cool. THE PROBLEM IS!! I stopped playing him awhile back, so all of his relationships have petered out. (Yeah, uh, used to have a few threads a week with Konatsu. Haven't had one in months. Probably won't change!) I keep wanting to do indulgent play with him, but that ain't' happening! So, I can play him, but there seems to be nowhere. Funny thing is when I do my number checks, he's still always first or second in my activity even though I think I never play him, so numbers win?! \o/

Ashe. . . Okay, yeah, she's coming up. I don't even know. I enjoy her! I have fun! I can do stuff! Like, seriously, I have things planned, but I just. . . I don't interact with others. I tend to do indulgent play mostly. And as one of my few with a ~cast~. . . Well, I never do well with casts. I AM APPARENTLY A DEATH-KNELL TO CASTS. /)_(\ But, yeah, I keep having awkward feelings towards my casts and being a nitpicker and just a pain in the ass. If I was hated or feared, then I would get this completely. Which just makes it awkward to play Ashe. So, yeah. As new blood comes in. . . I fear that if I dropped her that she would get picked up again, and oh god that would really mess me up. Not even wanting to maim the person, because I am horrible with that scenario every time, but seeing how bad I am with her. Realizing it isn't them, it's me, you know? So, stuff. She will probably last, because I need my badass lady, but. It might be soon, it might not be. It just isn't me playing Ashe if I don't have a spasm of OH GOD SO WRONG every few months.

Kino—HAHAHA!! Like ever. I. . . I inflict her on people. For some reason, what seems like the best thing ever, causing characters to be narcissists and go on and on about themselves, is just pulling teeth to other people. I have no idea really how other people take her. And she's from such an obscure canon. Really, I probably don't play her right, but she's mine. I enjoy her. I can deal with the fact that no one else does or wants to play with her. Whatever. /o/

Akito is my queen of self-indulgence. See, I got into this trend awhile back of just doing all the threads that I wanted to and are fun. . . And every thread is wonderful and fun with Akito! \o/ I have such a deep love of her and her craziness. So, I could care less about much else, really! Always, always I want to play her with other people, but no one seems to ever take the bait or wants to. So, whatever, I will deal. —See that pattern? If I could give a shit, then all is well. Anxiety about other people is causing issuesss.

Rei. . . Total goof. Not sure what I'm doing. I want to do my plot, but I am a lazy hobo. I would probably chop her for lack of relationships and to save myself some money. I can't think of a reason to keep her other than coming back to her later and being like OH YEY SHE IS KIND OF FUN?! . . . Oh, shut up, I can pretend that she's not fucked, sigh.

Koyuki hasn't been played in a month! I love the canon, love the kid, but I tend to drop this type like all the time. Hahahahaaah, Takemoto repeat. Lesson not really learned, but he's probably gone.

Kumar is safe by virtue of being a buddy app. The end. IDK, I am doing things with him, but I am really not thinking seriously about this guy. I REFUSE TO SWEAT A POTHEAD.

Usual complaints are. . . Not connecting with people! Like I really am more and more my own little island! I can think of about three people total who tend to hit me up repeatedly with no fear which is sort of pathetic and—Yeah, I suppose I am scaring people. And I keep meaning to go back to chan, but really? The point is. . . Why? I would sit there and ignore it, or just watch the text scroll by and be in my own quiet corner. I'd rather save my RAM, sigh. And I am having trouble like communicating with people. I am sitting on about four or five different confessions, related or unrelated to camp, and just. . . I can't speak up. No voice! I don't want to be a heinous bitch nor do I want to hurt other people which leaves me sitting here like a pop-bottle under pressure until someone is going to catch major shit for it. It's just a matter of who. . . I hate this feeling, but the unknown what-if ends to all of these scenarios are much worse, apparently.

IN OTHER NEWS! Yeah, work has gotten entirely hilarious. Apparently, Corinne, my favorite boss' slightly inept daughter, is having a party for St. Patrick's Day and has been charged with bringing girls to it. And she is fretting so much over it!! And she invited me. . . Repeatedly. . . Despite my listing precisely why my family doesn't celebrate yet another holiday. Now, I asked if this guy was going to be there and she said yes. So, me and a few of the other girls at work almost want to stop by just to witness the train wreck kind of. (Kind of bitchy, but keep listening!) Me, personally? I just want to go there to knee a guy in the balls. ♥

Apparently, I am the token "lesbian" of the crew. Now, my mother ripped me a new one for telling the girls that I had a girlfriend when I started. But I was all shiny and happy and not calling her my, uh, best friend. And all of them are fascinated by the thought. (Gets better, wait.) So, Corinne somehow ended up chatting up about me with this guy. And he was like REALLY? I consider this a challenge. Then, she said I was "going for guys lately", and he was like OH NEVER MIND NO CHALLENGE. :( . . . I don't. Really approve of being seen like this. First of all, statistically, I have dated three guys to one girl. If we're really going to break down to labels, like I loathe to do, then I am bisexual, not a lesbian. So, I would like to teach this guy something new. Second of all, I do not understand this confusion running rampant in the work place about The Gay. They are all under the impression that it is something that comes from your genes. Oh, no, never could it be a personal choice! Because So-and-So is in a family with three siblings and two of them are gay, so it must be biological.

. . . Really? Really? Fuck you, guys. What is biological is a pre-disposition for cancer, or red hair, or body type! Not your sexuality. I can accept to a degree that this breaks down to nature vs nuture. I bat for nuture side most of the time! Yeah, that family could just be more accepting or thousands of other factors. But I consider that it might be something else, who knows! But that they can't even fathom that fact kind of annoys the shit out of me. And this brings me right around to my annoyance to the gay community! Now, I am super-proud of them fighting for their rights and so on! Yes, carry on! But the school I came from? The gays were limited exclusively to the theatre crew, headed by a German teacher that was Effemiate. I have kind of accepted that this was a limited exposure and am slightly willing to get over it, but I also kind of want to slap every gay man that has a limp wrist and an over-exuberant personality. GUYS, YOU ARE PLAYING INTO STEREOTYPES, STOP THAT. It makes the idea of The Gay even more foreign, and oddly more acceptable and palatable to people! I mean, clearly, they act so strange and different that they can't be hetero-normal. Nnno. Yes, people are allowed the personal choice to estrange or integrate themselves. But I would prefer integration and acceptance rather than rebelling which is what my theatre group did. They wanted to be gay to go against the grain and piss off their parents, not because they could accept loving someone of the same sex. And it's these kinds of people that make public acceptance so damn hard! I don't need the public to approve of what I do, no, but I would prefer that people be educated by real people and situations then by television and stereotypes which enforce all the wrong information. Just, ugh, the fact that the girls at work place bets on this one kid that comes every week turning out to be gay annoys the shit out of me. It feels like there is no side of the damn fence to be on.

just. . . musing.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 19:19:03 GMT

It's a sad thing when I would repeatedly choose to breed anger and hate rather than talk to someone.

To the Kristen who will be awake in five hours: Do that post about your job and its issues with the gay, loool.

suddenly the straw that broke the camel's back.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 07:01:19 GMT

Okay, it may that I've been away too long, all my accounts are dead, the app coming up, or what have you. . . But I have been in a weird roleplay mood all of a sudden.

I don't know how to put it, tactfully and in words alone. Really, I feel like dropping everyone but Kino and Akito.

yeah i hit that stopping point.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 06:11:50 GMT

Hey, hey. Not everyone one of us set out to be masters with intricate understandings of combat systems. Some of us only know that as long as you stay alive and keep hitting something, what you are fighting will eventually die in every game there is! So, do not knock me for getting things done, if not efficiently.

—Oh, wait, I forgot this was untrue as you should not fight summons to win them. Clearly, I missed the memo where the point was to kill shit in the face at all time. Me and Lightning are unimpressed, just saying.

I'm reading gay manga, man.

because i said i would.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 06:44:15 GMT

Story: Two old guys get back together after being separated for several years. One has a family of three brothers that he looks after, and the other adopted a child off the streets. Naturally, antics ensue. . . And the adopted child and youngest child end up falling in love with each other too. \o/

Why You Should Read It: Domestic stupidity, and relationship stupidity.

In Order: Mainichi Seiten, Kodomo wa Tomaranai, Children's Time, Kodomo no Iibun, Aki-chan no Iibun, Isoganaide, Hanaya no Nikai de.

. . . Okay, seriously, it's gay manga and completely shoujo, but I've only run into one sex scene in about five volumes. It's seriously just hilarious watching a house full of guys be dumb and stupid and awkward around each other as a familyyy. Also, I love Shuu and Mayumi something fierce. They're seriously hilarious and awesome characters that aren't full of tropes and thus are really unpredictable in a fun way. Also also, the art isn't beautiful, but it's very simple and nice. Seriously, I love it a lot in its simplicity.

because i need to geek somewhere.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 03:57:26 GMT

Nnnnegatives:

- Okay, I'm into the second disc, and I still fail to see what is going on!! Like, as soon as the game started, I started remembering that six part breakdown of Star Wars where they say that you need someone who is your straight, average man to question everything you don't get! . . . I am without him, and I don't understand anything that is going on. I think the cast also has no idea what the fuck is up, so that gives me a little piece of mind.

- Also, where my free-roam at?! I want to level whore and all that good stuff, but it. . . Doesn't exist. And I can't make money. And my equipment all blows. :'(

- Seriously, I have trouble thinking of this as a Final Fantasy game. It's like a metal slide that has been coated in heinous amounts of oil. TOO DAMN SMOOTH. Not that smooth is bad, but I can't focus on it with all the smoothness sometimes, good lord.

- WHY SO LINEAR?! Really, I do not need to be lead by the nose. Let me explore, goddamnit!

Positives!!1!:

- I spend 100% of the time cooing at and cheering for Lightning. Holy balls, it's like Ashe with 80% less introspection and 200% more badass. I CANNOT COPE WITH THIS. Ahhhh, this woman is wonderful and such a goshdarn mommy and tsundere and—!!

- Aside from Snow, I love the rest of the cast! They are a really quirky crew of characters together, but they jive. . . Or, at least, keep me interested. Vanille and Hope are absolutely adorable, and Shaz is so very wonderful. THANK YOU FOR BEING A WONDERFUL COUNTERPOINT, MAN.

- What little I understand, the story seems. . . Good? I'm not feeling any hits to the heart yet, but the concept seems super awesome, just awkwardly done.

- This battle system, ahhh. I did not think auto-pilot fighting could be done better than XII. . . Okay, that's kind of a lie, but they managed to make it different and engaging. So, you actually have to play the game which is the point!! And I am okay with that!!

OVERALL SO FAR: This shit better get explained and interesting as the disc goes on, because as much as the characters and system rocks. . . If I get stuck, then it loses all point.

worst sister ever.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:33:24 GMT

On Friday, Garrett got his new car.

Today, Garrett got into an accident and ruined his front end.

. . . I think he may kill me in my sleep if I go buy him some gold star stickers, but I really think I need some for our boy wonder.

bullet list, bullet list!

everydayocean@gmail.com — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 01:02:13 GMT

I have had no luck on the second job front which is very disappointing! At this point, I am running out of places to apply to in the local area. . . Bonterra? Acme? I should probably hit up the Walk and mall this week.

I am financially tight as a steel cable wire right now, but the lure of XIII is too strong. I love how I am tsundere for Squeenix as I revolted against XII until about October where I suddenly became madly in love with it. . . Yeah, I just recently went dere for the latest one. Also, I enjoy the thought of jumping from XII to IX to XIII.

Oh, except, I have five accounts going out right now. Thankfully, I really don't feel like renewing them at all. So, I see it as a perfect opportunity to spam with Akito and Kumar without shame.

On IX, whoever designed the Desert Palace is burning a special circle of hell, I hope. It was the first instance of screen fuckery that made me throw a controller at VII. Other than that, Dagger, you are my homegirl, stop sulking and kill bitches. It helps with emo, I promise.

I have been craving ramen like crazy, so I may be making a day trip to either Mitsuwa or NYC sometime this month, hopefully. I am tempted to go for NYC, because Book-Off ought to have Kino novels and I can hit up a second-hand bookstore to load up on lots of cheap books. . . Which would require me knowing what to even get. More Joanne Harris and Barrie? Alice in Wonderland? House of Leaves, at last?

Everyone needs to stop drifting to DW. I may have to actually make an account over there, for serious. Are you really going to put me under the stress of flipping through my music to find a user name? Are you?

I am so confused by having net on this computer again. (Three days!!) . . . I should celebrate with Supernatural. Or something.

it's not funny 'cause it's true.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 18:18:34 GMT

Last night, I spent two hours walking home in the cold and dark, scared numerous times by my own breath. Well, I have learned my lesson! I am never going anywhere without my keys and wallet again. . . Or with my mother.

jesus. christ.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 06:39:38 GMT

So, my net blew out at one. . . Twelve hours later, it came back!

Let us all now guess what I am intoxicated on, since I had to do something for those twelve hours to keep from going crazy. And, no, it's not wine. Oh, god, the room is spinning a little.

some stufffff.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 20:01:13 GMT

I applied to four different places yesterday. Since I won't be doing school this semester, it'd be better to work a job and save up! My current job really only shifts me on the weekends and about two nights a week, so I have a lot of free time that I could spend being productive. I am praying that one of them takes me, because aside from fast food. . . I can't think of any other places that are hiring.

On productivity, I am being a lazy hobo lately. I've managed to smash the hundred hour mark on XII, and I think I'm done with it for now because I can't manage to kill off the damn Behemoth King. I've also started re-watching Supernatural from the first season and started IX for the fourth time. . . Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to make it to the second disc, but I am trying.

I am working on keeping an offline journal. It's an interesting practice, but I'm not sure how long it's going to keep up. Still, I've got a lot of things that I can't quite talk about yet, so it's good to put it somewhere.

I think I'm going to drop some people at camp. . . ? I'm not sure, but I've got this sinking feeling with my current cast plus more app obligations coming up. Still, I'm not trying to be too hasty, because I know all too well the feeling of wanting someone back badly, so I'll just sit and see if I want to fight the good fight. —Randomly, I did a tally up of my posts since halfway through November to now. Takanari and Ashe only had one a piece. Everyone else was up to three. . . Huh!

Forward, forward, forward.

ffffuck.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 04:00:17 GMT

If I had tags, my net tomfoolery tag would be my most used one.

Here's the set-up: We have a new modem that is also a router! As usual, the router and phone tend to hate each other, so certain calls will kill it out. Irony of ironies is that my mother's fiancee's cellphone is usually the only one that causes this. Anyway, no big deal, I am used to net blinking out. What's weird is that while the connection will come back on the wireless. . . The actual internet connection will not. As in, even five hours later, the internet will be restored on any computer using wireless.

I have tried: Resetting my computer, disconnecting and re-connecting the wireless on my computer, turning the modem/router off then on, disconnecting and re-connecting the LAN on the host computer, and disconnecting and re-connecting the Broadband on the host computer. Short of restarting the host computer, I can't think of anything else. If restarting it is the answer, which I pray that it is not but am certain that it is, then I will find out tomorrow morning.

. . . And people wonder why I hate technology.

ETA: So, about restarting host computer which fixes it? . . . Yeahhh. FML.

i don't even know.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:37:49 GMT

So, I'm slowly getting used to the idea of ~having dreams~. I never had dreams as a kid or as a teenager, but I'm starting to have some now. While they're fairly interesting, some of them are just a little twisted.

Such as this morning's dream, there was some kind of intelligent life-form hunting humans, humans have to out-smart them, yadda yadda. What the twist was. . . Is that there was some woman siding with them. She caught me, and I was waiting to, you know, be eaten or what have you. Instead, I get to be a science project, and she shoots a goddamn uncorked syringe into my chest, causing profuse bleeding. Naturally, I try to get away from the blood that keeps coming out, because one of the monsters was right there and I was supposed to feed it or something but I am not doing it when it can figure out right where all the blood is coming from, yeah. Also, my blood came out white. . . Then, changed to blue after a pint, just saying. The lady came back later and was like, "Well, don't you see why your bloodline needs to be cleaned. :')"

. . . That was almost as bad as the time that I was shot in the leg after leaving a helicopter. But, christ, the imagery was fun, but that was really kind of twisted. And Castiel was there, don't ask me. That's about when I realized this is def a dream, except OW SYRINGE IN THE CHEST.

something kind of crazy.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:36:40 GMT

Because I am more than a little drunk and having a weird day. . . All my writings are over here.

. . . Tell me what y'all think. Consider this as a one-time comment enabled post for all of them.

rage-on. ♥

everydayocean@gmail.com — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 18:29:37 GMT

The wrong side of the bed? I woke up on it. Or it could have been being trapped in my room for two hours with my mother who is a pansy-ass.

. . . Ask me about my feelings on anything right now, guys. Seriously.

important questions:

everydayocean@gmail.com — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 06:23:13 GMT

1. Why the hell can SPN draw me back in so easily?

2. Why don't I write more?

3. Why do I love hard journals when I don't write in them?

it's in the chromosomes... i'm sorry.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 19:24:29 GMT

Me: So, I've slept for over twelve hours for the past two days. What is wrong with me?
Mom: ... Well, you are on your period.
Me: ... Wait, you mean, that if I was a doctor, I could look at all of my female patients and go, "Well, you are a woman."
Mom: Yeah, that's what my doctor said to me.

dunana sinking ship.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 18:41:30 GMT

I will be so disappointed in myself if I really do have a hangover.

In other news, I'm thinking that I need to switch back to LJ, but I am not entirely certain how. . . I liked being somewhere where people could have an excuse to ignore me, and I could feel really safe in my being unnoticed. Not that it's true, but I love the lie. Do I learn how to use f-lock and filters? Do I continue to keep my shit on air for whoever wanders in? Not to mention that I'm more comfortable with spamming out here than I ever was at LJ. I suppose the mature decision would be to put it on the other person to figure out if they want random entries about adventures and sunshine! . . . Oh, god, having to decide who to friend and not to friend. LJ! Knows! Drama!

Or I could use one of my many hard journals. . . Curiouser and curiouser.

such is life.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 00:30:42 GMT

I don't want to make the long explanation entry yet, but! I got some news Friday that sort of shell-shocked me. I called mom and told her, but said that we would talk talk later. . . Except I didn't want to talk on Friday or Saturday! So, mom came into work today which is strange in and of itself as she's been in there twice when I've been working there a year. And I just sort of. . . Got the urge to do or die! So, we started chatting, even though Steph and Sara were standing right there the whole time. (Ladies, please, learn when to buzz off.) She was reasonable and helpful which was nice, because I think she's learning how to approach and deal with me. So, while I hate facing the reality of it—Well, I need to get real.

The funny thing is that it finally hit me then. I wanted to just sit down and cry in the restaurant, and have my mom just hold me. I didn't, but. . . I can't help feeling like such a failure.

le sigh.

everydayocean@gmail.com — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 01:38:46 GMT

I'd like to feel like less of a brat, but that won't happen until I learn to shut up. ♥ I'm certainly not holding my breath.

Because I'm too shy to put it on the appropriate journal: Ashe has Belias and Ultima. I don't care what anyone else says. But the Great Crystal is no less annoying. . . Nor are summons worth the MP, shh.

Provided that I do my readings tonight, I will be on top of my work for the first time this semester.

The Au Bon Pain in my school stocks my favorite chocolate croissants. I may or may not use this as a reward for making it to my early morning class.

I must, must, must call HESSA and pick-up my paycheck tomorrow.