Previous 20

Mar. 18th, 2010

[info]smartbitchesrss

DABWAHA 2010: VOTING BEGINS!

The time for filling out the brackets is closed and the time for voting, trash talking, vicious vote gathering, and the ruining of other brackets is ON.

The voting commences on March 18, 2010 EST.  The voting link is here. The voting schedule is in 12 hour blocks to accommodate people in all timezones. For Round 1, please observe the following times: Round 1, Set 1 of 4: March 18, 2010, 00:00 am to March 18, 2010, 12:00 pm Round 1, Set 2 of 4: March 18, 2010, 12:00 pm to March 19, 2010, 00:00 am Round 1, Set 3 of 4: March 19, 2010, 00:00 am to March 19, 2010, 12:00 pm Round 1, Set 4 of 4: March 19, 2010, 12:00 pm to March 20, 2010, 00:00 am

 

 

[info]notalwaysright

Driving The Point Home

(Fast Food | Illinois, USA)

(Note: our Drive-thru has a strict “No Cell Phone” policy. A customer pulls up to our drive-thru while talking on her cellphone.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: *continues talking on cellphone*

Me: “May I help you?”

Customer: *continues talking on cellphone*

Me: “Please end your phone call now, or I will have to ask you to leave our drive-thru.”

(The customer finally hangs up about 15 seconds later.)

Customer: “Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Will someone take my order?!”

Me: “May I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, what took you so long? No one ever even said anything to me.” *places order*

Me: “Your total is $xx.xx, first window.”

Customer: *pulls up to the window*

Me: “Ma’am, you do know our restaurant has a strict “No Cell Phone” policy in drive thru.”

Customer: “Well, I wasn’t on my cell phone.”

Me: “You spent 5 minutes ignoring me asking for your order, and I could hear you talking on your cell phone.”

Customer: “Well, I most certainly wasn’t!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have that no cell phone policy. Please don’t use it again in drive-thru, because we might have to ask you to leave the drive-thru if it happens again.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because you took 5 minutes to even start placing your order. That’s 5 minutes we can’t take any other orders.”

Customer: “This is bulls***! I don’t even have a cellphone!”

(Suddenly, the customer’s cell phone rings. She picks it up.)

Customer: “Hello? Oh my gosh, no he didn’t!”

(It took me another 3 minutes to get her money.)

[info]notalwaysright

Signs That It Is Going To Be A Long Day/Week/Month

(Tech Support | United Kingdom)

Me: “How can I help?”

Caller: “I can’t work out how to use your booking calendar. It’s very complicated.”

Me: “Okay, so tell me if there’s any red text beneath the calendar?”

Caller: “Yes there is. It says ‘click a start date to begin’.”

Me: “Okay, so click the date you’d like your booking to start.”

Caller: “Okay, done that. Now what?”

Me: “Has the text changed to say ‘Please click an end date’?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “So click the date you’d like your booking to end.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ve got a price! That’s great, but isn’t that rather complicated?”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Caller: “Well, why doesn’t it know the dates I want already?”

[info]notalwaysright

Copyright Meets Copywrong

(Retail | Aberystwyth, UK)

(A teenage boy and girl come up to my till with a recently purchased CD.)

Teenage Boy: “I want to return this CD.”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Teenage Boy: “No, I just didn’t like it.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid I can’t give you a refund, but you can exchange it.”

Teenage Boy: “That’s not on. I want to see the manager.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Teenage Boy: “I want my money back for this CD and he won’t give it to me.”

Manager: “I’m afraid we can’t give you a refund but you can exchange it for a another CD.”

Teenage Girl: “He doesn’t want another CD. Why would be want another CD when he can just copy them?”

[info]smartbitchesrss

Smug Bull: Win Original Limited Edition Art from Laura Kinsale

You know what would look good on your wall? A smug bull, that’s what.

To celebrate the release of Lessons in French, Laura Kinsale is giving away a very limited edition print of an original artwork by Charles Rutledge. Inspired by the illustrated editions of classic Jane Austen novels, this sketch features the scene of Callie and Hubert in the kitchen, on the lam from the constable. To quote Kinsale, “It’s very much in the spirit of an illustration from a 19th century book.  As well-known comic book curator and art critic Cliff of Dr. No’s commented; “That is one smug bull.”

Have a look:




There were only 5 prints made, with 2 artist’s proofs, and Laura gave away one on her site in January. This is one smack of a collector’s item to someone who is a Kinsale fan, especially if you enjoyed Lessons in French - and if you didn’t win that one, here’s another chance. I have one limited edition copy on archival paper, signed by the artist and by Laura Kinsale, and an autographed copy of Lessons in French by Laura Kinsale to one random commenter.  (Note: All copyright in the artwork remains with the artist, and his permission is required for any copy or digital display.) The print will be unframed print number 5/5 and an autographed copy of Lessons in French.

What do you have to do to win? Simple: leave a comment and tell me which scene or line in a romance novel you’d love to see in an illustrated drawing such as this one. Comments close in 24 hours, so start pondering and making your artistic wishes! (Me? A tie between Merlin flying, and that scene in the beginning of The Duke and I where Daphne punches out that annoying guy, Nigel.)

Standard disclaimer: I’m not being compensated for this giveaway. Use only in a well-ventilated area. For a limited time only. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Parental advisory: explicit lyrics. Falling rock.

[info]notalwaysright

When Right Can Be Wrong

(Tech Support | Lindon, UT, USA)

Me: “Sir, go ahead and right click on the icon. Now do you see that menu that appears when you right click?”

Customer: “Nothing happened.”

Me: “That’s alright. If you double click on the icon, does it open up the file?”

Customer: “Yeah, it opens it up. Just nothing happens when I right click.”

Me: “Ok, have you had any issues with right clicking before?”

Customer: “No, the mouse always clicks and opens whatever I click it on.”

Me: “Ok, try right clicking on the icon again.”

Customer: “It’s still doing nothing.”

Me: “Is your mouse cursor on the icon?”

Customer: “Yeah, but if I move it any further to the right, it won’t be on the icon anymore.”

[info]notalwaysright

The Hangover Doesn’t Taste So Suite

(Hotel | USA)

Me: “Guest services, how can I help you?”

Caller: “You can help me by telling me what this 500 dollars is on my d*** bill!”

(After looking up his bill, I see that not only did they smoke a number of substances which they left evidence of in the room, but they also broke the entire bathroom mirror, and burned a heart design into the computer desk.)

Me: “Sir, it appears that have charge a fee on each of your rooms for damage as well as a fee for smoking in the room. This is a non-smoking property.”

Caller: “I can’t help what my girl does.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we have a strict no-smoking policy, and you are responsible for the state of the room because you made the reservation.”

Caller: “I can’t help it! My girl likes to smoke afterwards!”

Me: “It also looks like you broke a mirror in one of the rooms.”

Caller: “That was Bibby. Bibby crazy, girl. Bibby crazy.”

Me: “Well sir, you made the reservations, so you are responsible for your girlfriend, as well as ‘Bibby’.”

Caller: “She ain’t my girlfriend, she just my girl.”

Me: “Someone burned a heart into the desk in one of the rooms, and we had to bring in a steam cleaner for both carpets, because of the vomit.”

Caller: “I told you Bibby was crazy.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry, but we are keeping the damage fee, even though ‘Bibby’ burned the desk.”

Caller: “Oh, no the desk was me.”

Me: “Then it is absolutely your responsibility.”

Caller: “It was a declaration of love, woman. She wanted a declaration of love!”

Me: “If you have any further questions, sir, you’re going to have to call our corporate customer care line.”

Caller: “It was for LOVE!”

[info]smartbitchesrss

DABWAHA 2010: VOTING BEGINS!

It’s midnight eastern, so head on over to http://www.dabwaha.com/blog to vote in the first round of polls.

The polls will be open for 12 hours, then they’ll close for the next round. Best of luck, and may the best bracket win!

[info]notalwaysright

Talking Turkey

(Supermarket | United Kingdom)

(A customer rings the store on Christmas eve to speak to the meat manager.)

Caller: “I’ve bought this turkey from you and there’s no meat on the breast. How am I supposed to feed everyone tomorrow?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, can I just ask you to check you haven’t put
the bird in the oven upside down?”

Caller: “I know how to roast a bloody turkey!”

*sound of footsteps*

*sound of oven door opening*

*sound of oven door closing*

*sound of footsteps*

*sound of phone hanging up*

[info]notalwaysright

Reincarnavian

(Pet Store | Denver, CO, USA)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “I need to buy this bird.”

Me: “Ok, have you ever had a bird before?”

Customer: “I’ve had THIS bird before! I need to have this bird! My bird died last week and this bird tells me that he is my bird reincarnated! I need to have this bird.”

Me: “The bird told you?”

Customer: “How else would I know?”

[info]notalwaysright

Hamming It Up

(Deli | Liberty, MO, USA)

Customer: “I’m not sure what to get. Do you have any suggestions?”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am! The oven roasted turkey is very popular, and the black pepper chicken is quite good.”

Customer: “What about this ham, have you tried it?”

Me: “I haven’t, no, but would you like a sample?”

Customer: “Why haven’t you tried it? Is it gross?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I haven’t tried it because it’s not kosher.”

Customer: “You work here, you should have tried everything!”

Me: “Sorry ma’am. Would you like a sample?”

Customer: “No! I want you to try it first!”

Me: “I’m not going to eat the ham.”

Customer: “Well that’s not very Christian of you, is it?”

[info]notalwaysright

When You’re This Stupid You Have Nothing Toulouse

(Tour Guide | London, UK)

Customer: “I need to change my currency before I get on the train to Paris.”

Me: “Okay, sir. There is a Bureau De Change just over there where you can purchase your Euros.”

Customer: “What? I already have Euros. I need to get some Francs.”

Me: “Sir, they only accept Euros in France now. You will not need Francs.”

Customer: “OK whatever. Next question: how do I get to France from Paris?”

[info]smartbitchesrss

What’s Better Than 666?

What could be better or worse than 666? 999 - the total number of entries allowed by the tournament software. And we’re getting close to that number, much to our surprise and delight!

So heads up: bracket pick time ends tonight at 8pm EST - OR when we hit 999 entries, whichever comes first! As of 12:30 pm EST we had over 780 entries, so, in the words of philosopher and sage Larry the Cable Guy,  “Arrange the completion of your tasks post haste!”

Voting will begin tonight - YES TONIGHT - at midnight EST at the DABWAHA Blog, and there will be sets of multiple polls running for twelve hours so as to make all the time zones happy. We’re sluts for your time zones like that. You can test the polls here and check that your bracket has been uploaded, too.

Any questions - let’s hear ‘em. It’s almost time for Round 1!

[info]fandom_wank

MOD POST: Email problems and an interruption in the wank

Dear people of the wank communities,

(Read more ...)

[info]fandom_wank

I'M THE GODDAMN ADMIN

Direct from the pages of wank report:
"Sheezyart's (http://sheezyart.com) admins troll members who use Adblock by forcing a flashing red and yellow background and music to appear for anyone who uses Adblock on their site."

(Read more ...)

[info]fandom_wank

fandom_wank @ 2010-03-15T16:57:00

Yesterday over at rvb_slash (a community for Red vs. Blue slash) one of the mods makes a post saying, basically, I know I don't do much active modding, so are there any suggestions you all have for improving the community?

(Read more ...)

[info]fandom_wank

The terrifying story of Remus Lupin, cannibal and pedophile, and matricidal werewolf fetus

Snapefen at Snapedom are engaging in their favorite pastime - abusing everybody who isn't Snape or at least a Slytherin. This time their designated target is Remus Lupin. Note that this wank started 21 day ago and is still going on.

(Read more ...)

Mar. 17th, 2010

[info]smartbitchesrss

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy

[info]smartbitchesrss

Where Do You Buy Books: Survey Results

In mid-February, I asked for your responses in a very low-key, utterly not-scientific survey about Where you like to buy your books, and in what format.

Behold, the results! First, this is hands down my favorite comment in response to “Tell me what store or buying option I forgot:”

Mostly, I buy at the drugstore/grocery store these days. But I’ve bought everywhere I checked above. Yes, I’ve even swiped books from the library, but never on purpose. More in the “oh, dear, so that’s where that book went” sort of way. But the most interesting place I’ve ever acquired a book was at a yardsale where I’d run out of money. I successfully negotiated a swap for the white fringed blouse I was wearing over a tank top, for an out of print Jo Beverley hardcover. Never liked that blouse, anyway.

Will strip for out-of-print hardcovers? That ROCKS. (Why have I never thought of that?!!)

So, without further ado, here are the results, in graphic form. If you’d like to see the complete data, you can view my report—it’s available to the public for viewing and download. You can also view the complete list of book buying options with the response totals. Please keep in mind, this is utterly NOT scientific and rests solely on my own penchant for being nebby. If you’re looking for those camera-shy dudes from PriceWaterhouse Cooper with some briefcases, they’re not here.

Let’s look at some data, shall we? View my report!


Where do you folks like to buy your romance?

The most popular single option: Amazon.com, followed by used book store (any).

I was also fascinated by this graph: Which format do you buy?

var host = ((“https:” == document.location.protocol) ? “https://” : “http://”);document.write(unescape(”%3Cscript src=’” + host + “sbtb.wufoo.com/scripts/widget/embed.js?w=05ZuAzz6wuslashYrmvMXvPuF1s2Gdwuslashaxmw8Dag3clPQfyesY=’ type=‘text/javascript’%3E%3C/script%3E”));

There were also over 1500 responses in the “What did I forget?” category, including some that said, “I never buy books. I download from torrent sites,” and some that recommended specific bookstores across the country.

The results of book shopping location didn’t surprise me - I expected Amazon to be at the top if not in the top three. But I didn’t expect used bookstores to rank second ahead of Barnes & Noble and Borders. And the format question was fascinating because I wondered how much those results might shift in the coming year. Bear in mind, I didn’t limit that question to an “either/or” requirement - folks could select all the format options that applied to them, so if someone bought digital, print and audio books, they could select all three.

What do you think? Does anything about these results surprise you? Where’s the last place you purchased a book?

 

[info]smartbitchesrss

Where Do You Buy Books: Survey Results

In mid-February, I asked for your responses in a very low-key, utterly not-scientific survey about Where you like to buy your books, and in what format.

Behold, the results! First, this is hands down my favorite comment in response to “Tell me what store or buying option I forgot:”

Mostly, I buy at the drugstore/grocery store these days. But I’ve bought everywhere I checked above. Yes, I’ve even swiped books from the library, but never on purpose. More in the “oh, dear, so that’s where that book went” sort of way. But the most interesting place I’ve ever acquired a book was at a yardsale where I’d run out of money. I successfully negotiated a swap for the white fringed blouse I was wearing over a tank top, for an out of print Jo Beverley hardcover. Never liked that blouse, anyway.

Will strip for out-of-print hardcovers? That ROCKS. (Why have I never thought of that?!!)

So, without further ado, here are the results, in graphic form. If you’d like to see the complete data, you can view my report—it’s available to the public for viewing and download. You can also view the complete list of book buying options with the response totals. Please keep in mind, this is utterly NOT scientific and rests solely on my own penchant for being nebby. If you’re looking for those camera-shy dudes from PriceWaterhouse Cooper with some briefcases, they’re not here.

Let’s look at some data, shall we? Note: the results below do require Java to be rocking on your browser.

 

 Where do you folks like to buy your romance?

var host = ((“https:” == document.location.protocol) ? “https://” : “http://”);document.write(unescape(”%3Cscript src=’” + host + “sbtb.wufoo.com/scripts/widget/embed.js?w=kiq9fMJhUFCGVCDdEc8Umo9797WUQIvzpKRlHm8PcbA=’ type=‘text/javascript’%3E%3C/script%3E”));

var host = ((“https:” == document.location.protocol) ? “https://” : “http://”);document.write(unescape(”%3Cscript src=’” + host + “sbtb.wufoo.com/scripts/widget/embed.js?w=8ffxHYzNdiid2YJL9E6DczYzAjjwuBeqKey3bMXGtmb0Nk=’ type=‘text/javascript’%3E%3C/script%3E”));

The most popular single option: Amazon.com, followed by used book store (any).

I was also fascinated by this graph: Which format do you buy?

var host = ((“https:” == document.location.protocol) ? “https://” : “http://”);document.write(unescape(”%3Cscript src=’” + host + “sbtb.wufoo.com/scripts/widget/embed.js?w=05ZuAzz6wuslashYrmvMXvPuF1s2Gdwuslashaxmw8Dag3clPQfyesY=’ type=‘text/javascript’%3E%3C/script%3E”));

There were also over 1500 responses in the “What did I forget?” category, including some that said, “I never buy books. I download from torrent sites,” and some that recommended specific bookstores across the country.

The results of book shopping location didn’t surprise me - I expected Amazon to be at the top if not in the top three. But I didn’t expect used bookstores to rank second ahead of Barnes & Noble and Borders. And the format question was fascinating because I wondered how much those results might shift in the coming year. Bear in mind, I didn’t limit that question to an “either/or” requirement - folks could select all the format options that applied to them, so if someone bought digital, print and audio books, they could select all three.

What do you think? Does anything about these results surprise you? Where’s the last place you purchased a book?

 

Previous 20