Yesterday, while at my cousin's high school graduation, I had a revelation: I don't think college is for me. I don't feel like I'm achieving anything, and I'd much rather be out in the world doing something. I really want to join the Peace Corps or something similar, but I also really need to finish college first. They want it, and my family would be disappointed if I didn't. Plus I'd be fucked once I came back if I didn't have an education to lean back on. I'm just so sick of formal education. Fifteen years is a really long time, especially since that's 3/4 of my entire life. I can't even remember my first five years when I wasn't being schooled. I just... I hate it. It feels useless and I feel trapped by it. I want to do something real.

...On a lighter note, I've been testing the waters of fanfiction again; I joined a few weekly challenge communities and have written some ficlets for them. I'm certainly enjoying it, but I find myself just kind of writing and not trying to make it good. It's certainly not bad, and people keep commenting all "Oh, it's written so nicely!" but I know I'm not trying very hard. I joined one community where the challenge is to write a fic in 10-20 fandoms centering around the one word of your choice. It's intrigued me the most of everything, but the maintainer seems to not be maintaining at the moment. I think I'll start on them anyway, and just not post them to the community, because it's the one thing that's sparking something at the moment.

Hopefully this will help with my original writing. That was the point, anyway. Even if doesn't, though, I'm enjoying it.